If you don’t have time for the entirety of this epic story, you can just skip down to the bottom. But this is the first time I’ve ever gotten to share this and there are so many layers and God moments that are woven into it. And to understand the ending, you have to hear the humble beginnings! So please allow me the privilege of being incredibly long-winded, because I love all the details. I’ve been so excited to write this story out entirely for about 2 years now. It’s a story of how discipleship unfolds, even when I couldn’t see. All of this happened exactly as you will read it. My memory is very good. So my friends, should we start at the very beginning?
I am a senior in high school outside New York City. I have graduated and am moving on from Risen King Alliance Church and its youth group, and am going to Maine in the Fall of 2016. I worked for the Rockland Conservation Corps that summer of 2016, and went to Life conference in Kansas City, MO with the youth group-an ultimate Jesus high with my closest friends. I was baptized in the hotel pool with those friends who had led me to Jesus. But later on into the summer, my soul wasn’t right. I started having panic attacks for no reason in my room. I was scared, not about the unknowns of college (I love adventure) but that I would lose my faith there like so many others I had known. My biggest fear was turning to the world instead of being faithful to Jesus.
I know a lot of you think that I’ve always been as I am, but high school to college was a drastic shift in who I was in the Lord. I was by no means anyone who shared the word at all, scared of familial retribution, and was not strong in any kind of biblical conviction. One night, I decided, after being really upset and not being able to explain why, I called one of the youth group leaders named Ginny who I had just gotten to know a month earlier and really liked because we had similar struggles. She actually picked up the phone and talked with me about my current uneasiness (even though I couldn’t be articulate) and continued to encourage me that summer. Before I left for college, I begged God to give me godly friends so I wouldn’t turn away, and that I wanted to grow, not regress. I was 18 years old, and praying for a thing, a word I didn’t even know was in the bible, much less something I thought I could ever be a part of. Wouldn’t you know it? I was praying for discipleship.
This to me is one of the greatest miracles God has done in my life. To think I could pray for that, when if you had asked me then what discipleship was, I would not be able to give you a definition by any means!
He had a plan. I got to college with all the wide-eyed excitement and nervousness of a freshman. And there was this group that I really wanted to join. No, not a sailing club, as so many have thought😄 It was called Navigators. And they were having a meeting at this dude’s house to kick off the year. It was only a mile and a half away, so I walked since I didn’t have a car. There were all these people there, so I tried to be friendly. And since it was a barbecue, we all went to get the food off the grill, and my mouth dropped. The hot dogs were bright pink! Maine was a weird state, I thought to myself, as one of the girls (Rikki) drove me back. From there, I started going to the weekly Nav nights, starting to get acquainted with everyone and figure out what this thing was all about.
And then, one day at Soups On which we used to do at that Nav dude’s (Rus Willette) house, this chick walked in. Her name was Haley. And my first thought was, “I wonder if she’s a student.” She, in fact, was not though she sure looked it, and struck up a conversation with me. And when Navs was over that night, she put her number in my phone and took this picture for the contact, and so whenever she gave me a call, this would and still does pop up.
And then we started meeting together in between classes. And this girl named Bethlehem with a wicked pixie cut started a bible study 2 floors below me in my dorm. And then I found out that my RA who lived right next door to me was a christian and went to the other christian group on campus. And things kept happening, and I got to know more and more people as I joined other clubs. And slowly, those long weekends and free afternoons started filling up, and I was so happy. Breakthrough was happening for me spiritually. I still called Ginny sometimes, because I didn’t realize that I could trust Haley yet. It wasn’t until the end of that year that I realized that Haley was “discipling”, and that in fact it was actually her job to do so as I plain just didn’t know my prayers had come to fruition. (She was by no means, however, the only person who poured into me over these years-there are so many others:) We went to Tennessee on a missions trip, and did the first ever women’s weekend at USM, a tradition I can only pray will continue, in Haley’s family cabin shack in the middle of nowhere, ME with 10 girls, no toilet, and no heat in frigid, snowy, April weather. I couldn’t be happier. Little did I know what was in store for me that summer.
One night, I was at a potato party (Maine, am I right?) with Gabrielle, that RA who lived right next door to me. We didn’t know each other, so I asked her what she did over the summer. She told me she worked at this christian horse ranch in Colorado. And I was like, “those exist?” Never having been to anywhere that was so different from suburban New York, I was intrigued. She showed me pictures, and my jaw dropped. I said to her, “I have to apply here.” And she said go for it, I’ll give you a reference!
Rebecca, Gabrielle, Cheryl, Sarah, and I
Fast forward to my interview. I put down housekeeping, wait staff, etc. for jobs I wanted to do there. They had a position for a videographer/photographer, but I didn’t list it because I for sure wasn’t qualified enough to do it. But Larry who interviewed me saw that I had listed photography under skills in part of the application and asked me about it. I assured him while though I had experience with photography (I was actually very involved in high school) I didn’t know the first thing about videography. And he said in his Larry way, “Oh, don’t worry about that-I’m sure we’d be able to train you up and you’ll be able to figure it out!” So a couple months after that, I got the call that Wind River Ranch wanted to hire me as their videographer. What!?
So I accepted, and before I knew it my dad was throwing my suitcase out of the car at LaGuardia airport and I was on a plane to Colorado where I didn’t know a single soul, about to work a job I had no experience in on a ranch in the mountains for 3 months. A whole new world of swing dancing, cowboy hats, and animal husbandry where I discovered that I loved it all. It was here that the journey to EDGE started to really punch me in the face. I wish I could tell you all of the God things, godly people, amazing stories, and overall mission of Wind River, I’ll have to limit it to this one story about me.
I never ever want to forget every name in this picture.
In week 5 of that summer, there were many families with older teenagers. I was usually always behind the camera, so although I had normal interactions with guests, I was not usually the one making one on one relationships with them. But for some reason, that week was different. So from here, I want to transcribe a journal entry from the night my life decided to go in a completely different direction, dated 6/27/17. I’ve added brackets for clarification in some places.
“I never felt called to ministry until an hour ago. During Here I Am to Worship, God spoke to me [in an audible, spoken voice right next to me] and said, “Don’t be scared, but I want you on EDGE corps.” And my immediate response was “Agh, I’m scared!” and continues to be so. But He told me I want you to work with young women, and to go do EDGE corps. How do I even process this!? I have been so convinced I’m gonna get a job in my major and serve God that way. And I know that can always wait for me after 2 years of EDGE. And then there are the [my] parents… Here [the ranch] is one thing. EDGE is another. And we’ll see about that. Honestly, if I spin it right, maybe they won’t be so off board about it. I need to pray, and it’s still a long way off, but let this entry be a reminder that I have heard God’s voice telling me to GO! The other day I asked God to not stop growing me, etc. Be careful what you pray for I guess! Two of the young ladies sitting with me at staff worship inspired me, and one of them started crying next to me. And do you know what God said again to me then? “Training begins now.” So I prayed for them, and it was wild. God, give me wisdom, discernment, and a spirit of fearlessness!
(left to right) Paige, Katie, Karly, and Karis. Not pictured Karly’s brothers Blair and Cameron (they’re triplets!), Karis’s brothers, Paige’s sister, and Katie’s sister, and more. It was quite the crew of teenagers.
A long way off indeed, as I write this post 3 years later and laugh. How could I forget those kids, now all young adults in college, my goodness! The Pedersen, Jeup, Wolford, and Stull families really have no idea how much their kids impacted me that summer. Thank you for bringing your children to Wind River. God didn’t have to use anything but their presences to change my life. As mentioned in the entry, I never felt called to ministry and thought I would get a job in environmental science (my major) after college, just like the rest of the world does when they graduate. Those people who do actual ministry, I truly never thought that was for me. But yet, here we are.
So now after that crazy summer I headed back to Maine for my second year of college. Sophomore year came with so many changes. New meeting room, and almost a complete turnover and the start of a new generation of Navigators. I was pushed by Haley to start discipling, and even though I had this amazing call, I didn’t really know where to begin. All I knew is that people were expecting things from me, and I didn’t want to let them down. So I started very clumsily discipling a girl, went to Uganda (totally out of my comfort zone), and had many other antics and up’s and down’s that year. A return to the ranch for a second summer, and now junior year begins.
That discipleship relationship came to a close, I started a new one, and I started to understand just how hard college ministry was. Haley was going on maternity leave, and the pressure I felt tripled on my shoulders. If I were to describe the vibe of USM Navs in one word, it would be “noncomitted”, which is a really hard thing for a do-er like me. At this low point in junior year, I was for sure disenchanted with the call God put on my heart, and even into senior year that continued.
Winter Conference 2019
Well, little did I know how senior year would end up turning out. Once again, that discipleship relationship came to a close at the beginning of the second semester (with more peace in my heart this time around after going through how hard that is already) and a new ones continue to flourish. I applied to EDGE as soon as the application was opened, got hired in early February 2020, and then entered the longest waiting period of my life. I was hired with no place to go. And then my second and last semester of senior year got cancelled, and I was still left waiting for that placement drowning in a sea of disappointment-of all the goodbyes that would not happen, the final things we still had to do at USM, the people still left to reach! But yesterday, while on my break at Hanny’s, I got a call from Benny C and that prayer for discipleship I prayed in my childhood bedroom before college, and those words God whispered in my ear 3 years ago at Wind River are once again developing me into who He wants me to be…
So after ALL of that (thanks for bearing with me) I can now tell you that for the next 2 years I’m going to be working for the Navigators at University of Massachusetts Amherst. You can’t read this story and tell me God doesn’t weave plans for our lives that we can’t even dream of. What EDGE comes down to for me is a hope that there is a girl (or five) about to leave for college, scared out of her wits that stepping into the world alone for the first time will upheave her relationship with Jesus, but that I will get the absolute honor to help her try to understand what this thing called life is all about. To give back what was given to me. And first and foremost, always point to God, being no more than a vessel for His goodness, a helper, and a friend.
I don’t have any details about what I will be doing, where I’ll be living, or really anything to give you right now. Goodbyes here in Maine are going to be really hard, but the time I have left staying for the summer will ease that blow. All I know is that come August, I will once again pack my things and move to a place where I don’t know a soul. But if this story doesn’t convince you that God takes care of what He calls us to, I don’t know what will.
Even though I couldn’t mention everyone whose helped me along the way, if you’re reading this, you have! Thank you for your support, I truly couldn’t have done it without all the friends who came alongside me and cheered me on, whether in Maine, NY, Colorado, and all over. Don’t be surprised when you hear from me this summer, asking if you want to continue doing so by supporting me in prayer and/or financially. 😉 Thank you thank you THANK YOU for being a part of this story. I can’t wait to see how it continues to unfold. If the past four years are any indication of this wild ride of a life God has given me, I can’t wait to see what’s next.
~J
“Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, until I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.”-Psalm 71:18
Water from the Rock 