It’s almost time to start the semester! We just have to get through this snowstorm, and then the real fun can start.

Speaking of real fun, that’s all I’ve been doing since I got back to Maine. Visiting people, catching up, making plans, etc. since that all tends to become “less important” and “harder to do” once school starts. No excuses, my friends. Take time for the people in your life. You don’t know what they may be going through. Work, school, societal success? All things you can’t take with you to the other side when you’re dead. You know what does remain through the ages, though? The loyalty of friendship.

Did you know there is a section of the book of Hebrews dubbed the “hall of heroes”? Chapter 11 talks about the faith of many Israelites who definitely earned the title of hero. And that’s nice, but I never got to go on a hike with Moses or do some carpentry with Noah. So I wrote in my bible on the page next to chapter 13, “my hall of heroes” to make it more personal and I filled it with the people in my life who mean the most to me. Look through the photos for some examples, and for gosh sakes, I couldn’t put everyone, cause you would be here forever.

I’ve been thinking (more like prayerfully wrestling) a lot about the women in my life who have poured into me, especially as I start my 20’s. I used to think that I was not worth noticing, much less worth enough to be cared for. I’m trying to shake off all of that crap from adolescence in addition to many other things.

I wrote a poem. I would like to share it here, if that’s ok? If you’re familiar with the enneagram, it’s the six-est poem to ever six, since I am a six (counter-phobic with a 5 wing). Many times when I need to work things out with God, I’ll sit down at my desk or at a Starbucks with full intention of praying and reading the bible for wisdom and doing an assortment of other things I think to be super spiritual. However, I usually end up writing instead. And when I get to the end of that poem or whatever, literally none of the problems I sat down with are solved, I didn’t gain any answer, and I probably only talked to God about it for like 5 minutes before the allure of a blank page and a pencil carried me away.

But I feel so much lighter.

A fun little fingerprint for this poem that you probably wouldn’t notice unless I told you-lots of punctuation is missing and it is very sporadically placed throughout the whole thing. I did this purposely to mirror the writing process for this particular poem. I would write a line, stop, write a stanza, sleep on it, finish a part, cry a little, and then it was done! I’ve was pretty on-the-go for the past two days this poem was birthed. I really hope you like it.

I.

One night

I decided to throw away the moon

I haven’t stopped changing into a werewolf

But I don’t think those two things are related anymore

One night I decided to run boiling wild and I

ended up staring the Dark Forest in the face

I was too scared (to go further) 

because it looked like it would just swallow me whole

So I turned back with my hands shoved deep in my pockets

So later that night,

I tied them to the bedpost

and swore that I would never look there again.

One night

I told some girls about my staring contest with the forest

And I have never been the same.

II.

I have never been the same

since I decided to

Start Trusting Women

I might boldly say it was the best decision I ever made

To be able to look upon our bodies with pure eyed glace

instead of bitter wildness.

So glad our bodies have

grown past seedling, weeds, and predator

Grown through adolescent-

Synonymous with shame, stretching, comparison, scarring-

And now

here-

What I sometimes refer to as the mud-filled mouths of our twenties-

Bold full women

who have put the ways of childhood behind them

You would be quick to miss this miracle

if you’ve never heard a room overflowing with women’s musical laughter.

III.

I am so nearsighted

I am so selfish

I remember everything

but most nights it still feels like I’m paying for sins I don’t remember committing

But here I am

On the precipice of a decade

overwhelmed by all the darkness

but so ready to go down swinging in Glory.

I can only hope that those around me would do the same

Then, maybe

I will be OK.

How are you making time for those in your hall of heroes? Have you ever thought about those who have helped you become who you are now? Have you written them down so you remember them? My encouragement today is to do so. Imitate your leaders! Pray for your leaders! Don’t lose perspective, and don’t lose heart.

~J

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”-Hebrews 13:7