Oh, what a week it has been!

I had a very strong intention of putting an intro/prayer request post up before our annual Navs Fall Conference that was scheduled for October 19th-21st. However, the week before the conference was absolutely CRAZY! So now, I’ll just tell you about it and all the amazing rollercoaster times we had this past weekend!

First off, my best friend in the whole wide world, Lauren, came up once again from New York to hang out with us Maine-ahs for the conference. This is so special to me always because I get to invite a person from an older walk of my life into what is happening now. She stayed until Tuesday for Nav Night as well, and I just finished clearing out the air mattress in my room. It felt amazing to open the door and actually be able to step on the floor! All that being said, I am so amazed at how God moved through her and my friends the whole week-ish that she was here. Be on the lookout for an album of Lauren and all the incredibly talented musicians she has met up here in Maine titled “Buffalo Plaid” that will be coming soon.

I mean, not really, but wouldn’t that be hilarious?!

Lauren and I, circa age 15, at a youth retreat we would attend in high school. We were such babies!

 

The conference itself was amazing, of course. Our main speaker was a fellow from UMass Amherst college, the campus director in fact, named Pierre Willems. I have never met such a funny and engaging speaker before. I’ll admit, I was a little apprehensive because this year, for the first time, it was someone who I had never had any connection with. But Pierre blew it out of the water with real teachings on love, trust, and relationship with God. Thank you dearly, Pierre. You led us students here in Maine well, and we can’t wait to see you for Winter Conference soon.

It’s moments like these that make my heart just burst.

The beautiful camp we stayed at, China Lake Conference Center

Laughing around the fire with Jeff and Jeremy!

The boys love Tucker!

The main hall where we heard from Pierre, laughed at Tucker’s shenanigans, and worshipped the Lord!

The prayer room is a room open 24 hours for all three days of conference. Students sign up for slots in pairs to meet with God, be still in His presence and hear His voice, and journal and draw and wrestle with things in a quiet and peaceful setting. It is always one of the highlights of the conference.

This was just too good not to post!

Maine Navs are strong people on fire of the Lord, and don’t you forget it!

Some big and small highlights of the conference for me personally-

1. Getting to find healing from circumstances in my life, and having the safe space to do so, surrounded by a staff that is so loving and real and willing to get down in the trenches with college students who are absolute shipwrecks, as me and my friend Paula from UMaine Orono put it. I had forgotten the cross, all it stood for, and I have gone very far from the reality of the grace I am supposed to be living in, choosing instead to carry my shame, my sin, my mistakes on my shoulders instead of giving it to Jesus and accepting His overwhelming, reckless love. Boy, did God remind me of His love that night. Here is a video we watched Saturday night that absolutely captivated my heart, because believe me when I tell you, I am Barrabas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwX_EpNR4CA

2. The opportunity to see my friend, Priscilla, Saturday afternoon was probably my favorite part of conference. Although we worked only about 100 miles from each other in Colorado this summer, we have not seen each other in 6 months. But once we were alone, we picked right back up from where we left off. It is crazy how similar we are! I know that when I’m with her and I say “you know?”, that she knows exactly what I’m talking about, and I with her. It is one of the most special things I have ever experienced in my life. We sat on the hill peering over the camp and the lake, looked out on the three crosses that stood there, and just talked about life in the cool of the afternoon. Have you ever had a friend like that? Tell me about it in the comments!

3. Getting to reunion with old friends and meet new friends from Maine Maritime Academy and UMaine Orono, the other two campuses in Maine that have collegiate Navs. Opportunities to see these friends are scarce, as a drive up there is about 2 hours and we all have very busy lives as college students. But getting to hear how they were and how their campuses were doing was a privilege. I look forward to connecting with them again at Winter Conference.

4. I have not laughed like I did on Friday night in a LONG time. A group of us girls from all the campuses were sitting at a table and just laughing our tails off at our worst/most embarrassing injuries and bathroom/intestinal disasters on the various missions trips we have all taken. I felt like I was 10 years old again, making poop jokes with my best friends. But I swear, my sides were splitting by the time the night was over. I will treasure that time when the days seem monotonous and dark and joy is hard to come by.

All of this to say, it was an amazing weekend. I am looking forward to the days and weeks ahead living in the remembered freedom, and hopefully passing this next round of midterms.

Please pray for…

1. New girls to be intentional in starting to form discipleship relationships with me as God has already placed on my heart quite a few young women who seem ready to enter into a new part in the faith walk. Pray that I will hear the will of the Lord and that He is preparing their hearts for a leap of faith into His arms.
2. The USM campus and the other colleges in southern Maine and New England. We have been starting to notice how the enemy works in this time of year, with the weather getting colder and Halloween-time exploits, that he has a sort of reign over students in October and November in the Northeast as many start to explore and play with the occult and the spiritual forces of evil. Many who live on campus have reported feelings of tiredness and overall heaviness/depression recently. However, we know the victory is won, and that the enemy is NOT WELCOME here. Jesus is, and He is ready to make this community His people.

Grace and peace be with you all. Go enjoy a cup of apple cider before all the trees are bare.

~J

Disclaimer! If you are not OK with cringe-y poetry, click away now!

I get to be vulnerable here in this post. Oh boy! Today I’m gonna show one of the first poems I ever wrote, and one of my more recent ones written this summer. We’re gonna compare and contrast and commentate on them! This was inspired because over the weekend I sat down at my computer to transfer all the poetry I had in my journals onto my computer, including all of last year and the summer. It was a 2-hour process, and all throughout I was looking back on my old stuff and truly I tell you I have not stopped cringing. I know my first one is bad. It is taking a lot of my courage to even post it here. But I think it is so important to reflect and see how far you’ve come on things so I’m gonna put my brave hat on today.

I don’t know what I would have done if I did not start writing in high school. It quickly became my biggest creative outlet, even surpassing art. I started referring to myself as a poet first, artist second if you can believe that. An annual poetry slam that my high school did called “Java Jive” was my first inspiration. I saw those poets get up there and perform and thought to myself, “That’s not so hard, I could do that!”

Famous last words from anyone who knows me-“That’s not so hard, I’m gonna try it!”

Needless to say, I was hooked, and haven’t stopped writing since that night freshman year of high school. It’s been a long and ugly but rewarding process. I got many poems and even my college admissions essay published nationally, and performed my poetry at readings and slams all throughout high school. Now that I’m in college, the opportunities to share have slowed down quite a bit. But my writing has only increased. Let’s get to the poetry shall we?! I’ll post both and give a commentary on what I think about them under each.

“exhale”

What’s wrong?

Just breathe out

It’s not that hard

You know what to do

Do what’s right or do what’s wrong

The decisions yours

So you choose wrong even though it’s bad

But is anyone stopping you?

You just have to relax!

But I can’t

Because it’s hard to fall asleep

Asleep is how I feel

Because every word I say to you is pain

Pain is stopping you from exhaling

When are you going to realize that this was your problem all along?

All you have to do is breathe out

It’s not that simple

It’s just not that simple

Simple is holding your breath

Your gonna die

But wasn’t that the point?

Point of what?

Point of a knife?
Or maybe a scissor that cuts through the air when silence fills it

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

Matter is in everything in the world

The world, your world matters to me

Me? I’m paralyzed by the thought of losing you and the fear of you coming back

Backs are stabbed, shots I will take

Take a deep breath

But don’t forget to let go of it

It matters to me

YIKES! This was written my freshman year of high school, and after a pretty traumatic and defining moment in my life. So you would think it would have a little more direct and passionate of a voice instead of so passive and “ethereal”. UGH! I was so incredibly vague, you can’t even tell what I’m trying to write a poem about. I thought I was so clever using the last word of every stanza as the first word in the next, as well. This was the poem that started the train, and 5 years later, I have not stopped. Here’s one written this summer for comparison.

“6/21/18 (or On the Hitching Rail)”

Four cowgirls kicked their

boots on the hitching rail

what I mean is

The river ran through like conversation

the little stream the cat drank

out of before bed.

And it’s crazy how honey words

can get so lost in a rugged valley

Sink away like the sun behind the mountain does

Oh, these are the days, the cool summer nights.

What I mean is

girls can have a conversation anywhere

In a laundry room

on the barstools

even on the butt-splintered fence line…

Ahhhh, much better. It flows, there is rhythm, there are poetic devices, imagery! Sweet imagery! There is a clear reason for writing this poem, and a style and a proud voice behind it-not one of a scared girl hiding behind poetry. Well, I won’t kid myself, because I hide behind my poetry all the time. At least now I can write well along with it, though. I’m working on being honest with myself. Recently I realized I had been lying to myself about something for quite some time. But when I looked back on the poetry that I had written, and the poetry I chose to listen to, it became clear to me what was really in my heart.

I do not lie on paper. Only to myself in my head. So if I never get out of my own head, I will be stuck in a cycle of lies. That is where poetry comes in.

I hope you at least once in your life try to write poetry or fiction or such. I loved encouraging the girls I worked with this summer to write. Amazing poetry came out of girl’s staff this year at Wind River Ranch. Even if you think poetry isn’t for you, give it a shot! You will be surprised what comes out of it.

And what can come out of it 5 years later…

~J